Monday, February 12, 2007

It is the end...

Methicillin-resistant staphylococcus aureus, H5N1, global warming, little ice age, death rock from outer space; let's face it - one way or another we're done for. With this in mind I started to compose a handy dandy checklist of things to get done before the collapse of society. I offer it here for your perusal, dear concerned reader, and for your additions or comments.

Things to do before the Apocalypse

1) Learn to swim. Water will be a theme.
2) Take some basic self defence lessons. May be useful to learn to shoot.
3) Learn useful skills; eg how to make fire, cooking, first aid, how to treat radiation poisoning, that sort of thing. Park rangers will fare better than website designers in the bright new age.
4) Move as far inland as possible - preferably to the top of a hill or mountain. Islands, valleys and coastal towns are to be avoided.
5) Travel light.
6) Stop eating meat.
7) Avoid making new friends unless they have access to stores of petroleum or useful skills. You need assets not dependants.
8) If you have a lot of money then spend it all. Ideally on diamonds or bullion. Remember though that the day may come when you need to carry all your possessions on your back.
9) If you intend to have kids do it now and teach them good life skills. If you raise them to be strong and loyal they will look after you should you be injured or infirm.
10) Stockpile tinned foods, cigarettes, chocolate, batteries, fossil fuels and alcohol. These are the currencies of the post apocalyptic world.
11) Make a boat big enough to carry you, all your stuff and anyone you don't want to have to watch drown.
12) Learn to care for and ride a horse.

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